Hallucinations on demand

I have a relatively mild bipolar disorder but I function well i my job as physician and in my family. Five years ago, during a hypomanic phase, I began to see rounded, slightly irregular, honeycomb patterns with dark contours and paler areas and a black disc in the centre, while I had my eyes closed and focused on the dark behind my eyelids. When my mood normalized after a couple of months, the pattern disappeared. But the last year I can se the patterns on demand, though my mood is normal. I have begun to systematically study the phenomenon and have found that the honeycomb pattern with dark contours transforms itself constantly, so that some "cells" grow slightly bigger and other smaller in a calm way, like a living tissue. The pattern is strictly flat. After a while (a minute or so), I can see another type of pattern with swiftly moving short and straight and a little shaggy lines against a total black background. Those lines form rapidly changing complex forms of a more three-dimensional appearance, like pyramids, "bubble-gitters" and so on. If I continue the session, which is like a meditation for me, I have short flashes of photorealistic hallucinations in a limited area of the "visual" field. It can by human eyes, mouths or more complex and beautiful pictures with clear but somewhat dark colors, like old paintings. I have noticed that my ability to see the visions have improved during this year of regular practice. Now I try to paint the motifs and I feel the training is good for me and makes me feel more stable and focused i everyday life. It was nice to read your comment and interesting to share the experience. I don't use any drugs and for the moment no medication.
sven.lennart.a@gmail.com

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